Season 1, Episode 1: Very First Tinder Date

I was young and dumb and green. I trusted the internet. I trusted my fellow internet users. I assumed everyone was using the internet to Google Earth their house, Facebook stalk ex-lovers, and watch YouTube how-to videos. I decided to use the internet to try to find a quick and easy date.

I was bored. I wanted to have some fun with a cute boy. Tinder was a fairly new app at the time, so I decided to give it ago. Made a profile and started swiping. Got a few matches right away and chatted enough with one guy that we decided to meet. I had yet to realize that Tinder is the devil.

We decide to go to a cool, dimly lit restaurant that has a large variety of cocktails and decent food. It also happens to be my favorite place to go and read a book during a day off from work. I suggested the restaurant...in case anyone was wondering. Because I have carefully cultivated my 'I don't have a vibe' vibe, I decided to show up in jeans, long black shirt, with a brown slouchy sweater. I'm pretty sure it was a cool fall day.

He had texted, telling me he had a table near the back.  I sat down and started nervously chatting right away. Over the 2 plus hours of our date, I learned the importance of asking some specific questions before going on a first date. Here is what I learned about him at dinner.

1. He was still technically married, albeit separated
2. He had 5 kids. 
3. He was still living with said wife, but was looking for other accommodations. Continued to bring up that he was looking for other accommodations so much that I felt pressured to offer him my spare room (I didn't). 
4. Was 8 years older than originally advertised. Said Tinder messed it up. Uh huh.

I had suffered through about an hour and a half of conversation at this point. The silver lining being that I was getting a free dinner out of this deal. Or so thought. Mind you, I am TOTALLY fine, and actually enjoy, paying for my own meals, and treating my friends. When messaging this guy earlier, he had made a pretty big deal about 'taking care of me' on our date. At the time, I had assumed he was going to buy me dinner. That's all.

Well, he didn't buy. But before I found this out, he managed to pour an entirely full beer on me. It was an accident, but I was soaked. After I returned from the bathroom, he asked me if I could pay because he had left his wallet at home. Which was fine, but I was already pretty annoyed by how the entire evening had gone, that I was more than ready to leave after I had paid.

Because I have a weird tick inside me, I have a really hard time being rude or dismissive of people. I don't want anyone to be mad at me. It's a middle child trait. As we walk outside, this guy asks me if he can come over to my house and 'hang out'. I was so confused by this question. Did he not just go on the same date I did? There was zero chemistry, I was (in my head) clearly sending him 'not interested' signals, and I was covered in beer. There was no way that I was going to let him come over. When I said no, he then asked me to at least give him a ride home. He didn't want to walk. I just said goodnight and walked away.

It took me about six months to get back on tinder after that.